


Calm of a Storm

by CommanderTeatime



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exhaustion, Kissing, M/M, Minor Character Death, Missing Scene, Post-Canon, Post-The Last Jedi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-02-26 07:56:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13231380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderTeatime/pseuds/CommanderTeatime
Summary: After the near destruction of the Resistance, Finn and Poe take the opportunity to catch up, but they end up catching up on more than just their respective missions. While Finn tells Poe all that has happened, he begins to unravel just what his feelings mean.





	1. Reacquianted

Rose's breathing began to even out into a softer, deeper sleep and Finn was beginning to feel strange for watching her so closely. He slid down beside the cot of the Millennium Falcon, sitting on the metal floor panel and just watched what remained of the Resistance.

Rey, the scavenger turned Jedi that had rescued Finn from Jakku, was at the front of the ship. Every so often he could hear her laugh, a wonderful, light laugh that made him smile without even knowing what it was about. He could hear Chewbacca's chatter and hums in response to her words all to distant for him to understand.

The General was seated in the cot beside Rose, her hands sorting through the last of the Resistance reports that she had seized before they were relocated to the transports, then to Crait. Her eyes glanced over the screens, almost gone to the world around her as she looked at the casualties and the expenses that were not going to be replenished any time soon.

Finn finally made himself stand up after a while when he realized that his lower back was going numb. He had noticed now that he was much more fragile, that staying in one place for too long made him numb and achy, or that moving too much at once felt like a band was stretching to the point of breaking. He tried not to think about it, to focus on the fact that he had been a stormtrooper, that he had rebelled from conditioning, joined the Resistance, fought what he had thought to be a myth, and survived miraculously.

He stretched carefully, putting his arms out in front of him and hoping that he would be able to crack or pop something in his back to get it to loosen up. He gave up quickly, and his eyes fell on the Resistance pilot that had started it all.

Poe Dameron, a squadron leader, or he had been a squadron leader, from what Finn could understand. He wasn't completely sure just what had gone on with the Resistance while he tried to disable the tracker in the First Order dreadnaught. From what he could understand, Poe had tried to lead an actual mutiny, rather than just their small deviance from command.

They had attempted to actually catch up, but the First Order had ruined their plans.

Finn still felt rather connected to the man. He felt like no matter what, he sort of belonged at Poe's side, that it was where he was supposed to be. It felt more right than the First Order, more right than just being a member of the Resistance-- when Finn stood next to Poe, he felt like he belonged.

He slid into the lounge seat of the Millennium Falcon to sit beside Poe, hoping that they could now take the chance to catch up as Poe sat there, resting his head on his hand. Finn wasn't sure where to start, if he should just start off from where they left off, or if he should let Poe start. He was sure that Poe couldn't top his story-- a casino planet, animal races, BB-8 managing to subdue three armed guards, boarding a First Order ship, BB-8 driving an AT-ST... 

Before he could really think about what to say, he felt the words slip through his lips. "What are you thinking?" Finn heard himself ask, his voice just above a whisper.

Poe jumped at the sound of his voice as though someone had poured ice down his jacket. His worry was quickly replaced by the lopsided smile that made Finn's heart beat a little bit faster. "Finn," Poe spoke in the same hushed tone. "I, uh, nothing. I wasn't thinking."

Finn smiled at that, knowing that now was his time to impress Poe Dameron, a Resistance leader, with all that he had done for the Resistance. He opened his mouth to say something, to explain all that had happened, when Poe's expression suddenly darkened and his eyes looked past Finn to something behind him.

"How's she doing?" Poe asked, his eyes moving back to Finn with a more serious look than before.

He felt his smile disappear from his face and bit at the inside of his mouth for a second. "Lieutenant Connix and I looked her over, she should be fine."

Poe nodded and seemed to shrink a little as he relaxed into the cushions of the seat. "So, how was it sneaking onto that dreadnaught?" Poe's smile returned, "BB-8 wouldn't tell me everything,"

Finn wanted to find the little droid and give him a thumbs up. It wasn't very often that he was given the opportunity to amaze Poe with a story. Finn was sure that Poe had a stockpile of stories and the missions he had been on, all waiting away to amaze Finn. He figured he should take his chance, amaze Poe now, and be amazed by Poe later.

"Well, you know we started at Canto Bight, we went into a casino to find the codebreaker. Rose and I were arrested for illegal parking and in jail we met a guy, called himself DJ. He said he'd help us." Finn's expression fell only slightly remembering how DJ had left them to Phasma on the dreadnaught. He pushed it away, but the sight of her cracked helmet stuck in his mind like a ghost.

"DJ?" Poe frowned a little at the name.

"You know him?"

"No,"

"So, he broke us out of jail, BB-8 helped, he took out the armed guards." Finn continued, telling Poe about how BB-8 had shot casino tokens out at their pursuers and when they left he still sounded like a bag of change. Poe had tried to contain his laughter, but struggled.

"Sorry," Poe apologized, looking over to his droid who was resting nicely in a nook of the ship on reserve power, the calming blue lights of droid sleep. Finn figured Poe was still wondering if the droid still had coins tucked away inside of him somewhere. "Continue."

Finn smiled wider at that, happy that he had made Poe laugh, or rather that BB-8 had made Poe laugh. It was a sound that made him warm inside, a sound that he wanted to hear more often. "So we released all of these.. animals," Finn couldn't remember what Rose had called them, and he wished she was awake enough just to correct him and add in details that he was missing. He wanted to tell Poe the perfect story, for Poe to be amazed by what Finn had accomplished, even though in the long run, he hadn't done anything. "They were betting on and racing them, and we were being chased by every police cruiser they had. Rose and I rode on the back of one of them and we were almost thrown off a cliff when BB-8 and DJ showed up with a ship."

He continued on with his story, he told Poe about how he disguised BB-8 as a trashcan, made his way all the way to the control room, got caught, was nearly executed, and then how the ship blew up. Not hesitating to continue, Finn told Poe all about how he had fought Phasma one on one, destroying her helmet and looking her in the eye only to send her into the burning abyss of the dreadnaught. He looked at Poe and knew the man was proud of him, and knowing that made Finn glow.

Poe was sure he was going to lose it when Finn mentioned how BB-8 moved an AT-ST on his own, saving them all from death. Finn wondered if BB-8 had ever pulled such heroics to save Poe, he was sure the droid had done so, but he wasn't sure he wanted to hear those stories. It was one thing if they were together and in danger, but knowing that Poe had been in danger alone with only his droid to save him, seemed terrifying to Finn.

All of the feelings that Finn felt towards Poe weren't exactly new to him. He had felt scared for someone before, and he had felt oddly protective, but to such a degree? This level of feeling, the way his heart picked up speed, his thoughts got a little more jumbled, his hands got a little sweaty-- this was all new. He wondered if Poe felt the same way, or if Finn was simply looking at things that weren't there.

"What about you? What did I miss?" Finn asked after concluding his story with his hands tightly clasped over one another. He forced himself to relax and realized that once he did, he felt like he could melt. He wasn't sure if it was the adrenaline finally beginning to recede, or if it was just simply Poe that made him feel that way.

Finn hadn't expected Poe to frown like he did, or to run a hand through his curls. He also didn't expect the hesitance behind his tone when Poe told him, "Ah, it's probably better to talk about it later."

"Sure, sure," He tried to dismiss the fact that he was a little embarrassed and he hoped Poe wouldn't notice his awkwardness. Oddly, he felt out of place next to Poe for the first time. He had just spent the better part of a few minutes recounting all of his adventures in detail to the man, only to be dismissed in return.

Poe sighed softly and glanced towards the General for only a second. "It's just, I can't believe we lost everything." He breathed, and Finn wasn't sure if he was talking to him until Poe's dark eyes met his. Finn could see the bit of fear that Poe so desperately tried to hide from everyone else, he tried to keep Poe from looking anywhere else, but his eyes drifted to the table in front of them and his shoulders seemed to relax. 

The gravity of the situation still hadn't hit Finn completely. He knew that they were struggling, that this was all that was left of the Resistance. He had tried to do his best, he had tried to save them by crashing his speeder into the center of the First Order's weapon, but Rose had stopped him. He wondered why Poe hadn't stopped him. It didn't matter, what mattered was that Finn wasn't afraid, he didn't care about the possible loss, that he might die in the fight. What Finn wanted was to stop the ship and fight something, fight the First Order and make them regret ever having anything to do with him. He wondered if he was feeling the same feeling that kept Poe fighting, that had inspired him to go against the General and the Admiral's orders.

"Yeah." Finn breathed, trying to match Poe's mood. He pushed away the need to fight and forced himself to frown just a little.

He heard Poe chuckle in response, "You don't have to do that," Poe told him.

"Do what?"

"Make yourself upset just because I am." He gave a small smile to Finn, an unsaid thank you, and Finn felt the unease of not belonging slip away into the cracks. "I'm proud of you, Finn." His smile widened and he leaned over to fix Finn's jacket, tweaking the stitching that he had put in it to seal up the holes that Kylo Ren's saber had left.

Finn smiled back wider as well. "Hey, I'm proud of you too. You gave us as much time as you could, I'm only sorry we couldn't be more of a help."

Poe's eyes searched Finn for some sort of answer, Finn wasn't sure. He let the Resistance pilot's hand stroke his upper arm and tried not to let the chills it sent up his spine make him shiver. "Are you kidding? You were amazing, Finn." Poe didn't bother to quiet his voice.

Finn couldn't help it but smile too, having Poe sitting right beside him, Rey and Chewbacca ahead of them, Rose to their side, the General and a handful of other Resistance members that Finn hadn't been formally introduced to... he couldn't find a reason to be upset. Poe was safe, he was safe, Rose was considered to be safe, too. He couldn't help but feel more at ease than he had for the past however many hours.

The General caught Finn's eye, almost surprised by the sound of their voices. She smiled softly, shaking her head as she looked back down at her reports before she spoke. "You two should get some sleep while you can." She told them.

Poe seemed to freeze almost, his smile dying quicker than Finn's. Finn could tell that their joy was going to quickly come to a close, that they were going to part for the time and catch up on some very much needed sleep. "Uh, sure, General."

"Poe?"

He turned to face her, his smile quickly disappearing into the serious look he used when he knew he was in trouble, but couldn't show it. It was eerily close to the face that he had worn on his face when Finn had placed a blaster to his side and escorted him down the hall of the _Finalizer_. Finn wondered if Poe was just being dramatic, or if something had happened to break his trust with the General.

"That's an order, Commander."

Instinctually, Poe responded with, "You mean 'Captain', General."

She gave him a look and Poe instantly straightened.

"Yes, sorry, General." He slid out of the lounge seat and Finn shrunk into the cushions, figuring that he might have a few more minutes until the General gave him that look. He didn't want to sleep just yet, his mind was still too active. The urge to fight something, anything, was slowly rising in him again. He was just about to close his eyes and give into his thoughts when he felt Poe's hand on his, pulling him out of the lounge seat. He looked up at Poe, finding a smile on his face as Poe nodded towards the hallway leading to the crew quarters.

Confused, Finn took Poe's hand and let Poe lead him into the back of the Falcon. He wondered just what Poe was doing, if Poe knew just exactly where the extra bunks were in the ship. Had Poe been in the Falcon before? Finn was struggling to remember...

Poe turned Finn just so slightly so that his back was pressed against the wall of the Falcon and before he could process anything, he felt Poe's lips on his. His heart hammered into his ribs, his thoughts were gone, he felt his hands move to Poe's sides, feeling the warmth underneath Poe's jacket, he wasn't even sure where Poe's hands were, he couldn't feel them. He let his eyes close and kissed the man back.

The Resistance Commander was the first to pull away, breaking their lips slowly before he could get too carried away. "Sorry," he breathed, "I..I don't..."

Finn pressed his lips to Poe's again before the man could say another apology. There was nothing for either one of them to be sorry about. Finn knew what the combination of feelings was now, he knew what it meant, what this meant. He didn't regret any of it, and he didn't want Poe to regret it either.

Poe pulled away again with a small, airy chuckle. His eyes moving over every inch of Finn's face just to make sure that this was real, that he could remember and cherish this very moment.

"You're disobeying a direct order from General Organa," Finn whispered to him and Poe chuckled, pressing his lips to Finn's again, but quickly.

"I'd gladly be demoted just to kiss you again." Poe whispered back, and Finn realized that Poe's hand had found his and squeezed his hand. "I missed you, Finn."

Finn smiled, "I missed you too."


	2. Rumbling of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the losses of the battles the Resistance as fought over the past two weeks begins to finally hit Poe Dameron, he seeks comfort in the people who know him best.

Poe was awake enough to know that he wasn't really in a true state of sleep. His eyes were closed, his breathing was slow, and things were all hazy except for the feeling of Finn curled up beside him, but he wasn't asleep. His thoughts were still there, mostly conceptual and fleeting, but there.

Sleep had always been hard to come by for Poe unless it was after a taxing mission, but ever since being held prisoner on the _Finalizer_ , Poe had only been able to sleep with the help of sedatives. The small pills had helped him before, too, when he had been to wired to sleep back in the days of the New Republic. He was sure that he couldn't ask for them now, they had to ration what they had. Poe made a mental note to take note of the supplies they had just in case.

He had so many things to do, they all did, but the need for rest nagged in the back of his mind anyway. It told him that he needed to suck it up, embrace sleep, and just let himself deal with the nightmares if they came. He tried not to think about how much his inner voice sounded like Jessika Pava.

Poe knew that his inner voice was right, hat he needed to power through feeling powerless. He had to conquer the dark figure of Kylo Ren, the feeling of his mental plow as he sifted through Poe's memories in the Force. He had known from hearing others talk and from his own bits of experience that he couldn't give in. He had had nightmares before, these shouldn't be any different.

He brushed his hand down Finn's back, careful of the scar from his fight on Starkiller. In response to the light, soft touch, Finn sighed in his sleep and his fingers tightened on Poe's shirt. For a moment, Poe was worried that Finn was having a nightmare and he forced himself to wake up just a little from his half-sleep to open his eyes. From what Poe could see of Finn's face, he was still calmly asleep, his grip loosened and he seemed to relax a little more.

Sleep still didn't come when Poe closed his eyes again. He tried to match his breathing to Finn's, he tried to think about home, about his dad, about the distant memory of his mother's smile and how her ring was still on the chain around his neck. He could feel himself starting to softly drift, the tension he had held for so long slowly disappearing into the blankness of a deeper, darker level of sleep.

Poe was absolutely sure he was asleep until he felt his body jolt to life as a whisper pressed to his ear _"Where is it?"_ The voice asked, and suddenly everything turned cold and Poe sat up as though someone had yanked him forward. He could feel the slight rumblings in his head, the feelings of a foreign presence digging around through his thoughts and his memories, but they never surfaced.

He swallowed thickly, taking the time to breathe before he slipped off of the cot, careful not to jostle Finn in the slightest. He pressed a kiss to Finn's forehead before he straightened and ran his hands through his hair. He wasn't on the _Finalizer_ , he consciously reminded himself. It took Poe a few moments to find the courage to leave Finn, telling himself that the man would be fine, that they were safe from the First Order for now.

His heart still pounded in his chest, his hands shaking at the thought of Kylo Ren, at how close his voice had been. It was almost as though he was back in the interrogation room, the atmosphere buzzing with the dark presence in front of him, the humming of the interrogation probe as it wandered out of the corner of his eyes, ready to make his life hell.

_"Breathe in_ _for four, hold for seven, exhale for eight."_

Kare.

It had been her voice that had said that to him at some time. Poe was too frazzled to remember exactly when, but he could feel the familiar weight of her hands on his arms, holding him steady as she told him the same thing over and over again.

_"One, two, three, four..."_

Poe felt his fingernails bite into the flesh of his palms and the ghost of his friend began to fade from his mind for the time being. He had to stop letting himself think like that, he had to stop his thoughts from wandering. Leia had always said, now's not the time to mourn, the time to mourn is after the fight, after the storm. He bit the inside of his cheek and with one last look towards Finn from the doorway, Poe wandered back to the main room of the Falcon.

"Poe," Leia greeted, looking up from her last datapad with a tired smile. "I thought I told you to get some sleep, in fact, I think I ordered you to."

Silently, he slid back into the lounge seat and looked at her, unsure of what to say or to do. He wanted to say something light and funny, a slight crack at his expense, something about how great he was at following orders. Instead, he felt his shoulders shrug slightly and his eyes wandered from her to the table in front of him.

The aura of the room shifted into something more relaxed than it had been when Poe had entered. He wondered if General Organa was trying to calm him somehow, if she was doing it for him, or for herself. He knew that she hadn't bothered to give herself time to deal with Han's death, and now Luke's. He wondered how she could keep it together through losing her husband and her twin, if she had had some sort of practice before.

His eyes found her again after a few moments, watching as she continued to look at her datapad with a slight frown on her face. That was never a good sign, and usually, Poe would've pressed her to find out what she was reading and how he could help, if he could, but the exhaustion of the past two weeks was beginning to destroy him. He wanted her to tell him what to do, anything other than sleep, just anything. He needed to stay out of his own head.

She looked up after a few moments, and Poe caught her eyes as her smile returned, it was a kind smile, one that told Poe he wasn't alone, that she was here for him. It used to be such a relief to know that, but now, sitting there, stuck in his own thoughts and dealing with the loss they had faced, he just wondered how she was keeping it together and if she could ever possibly share her secrets. "I know that look." She said suddenly, and Poe was almost afraid of what she meant.

"What look?" He asked.

"That's the look you give me when you need to talk, but don't want to."

Poe frowned and looked away from her. It was obvious that she knew his moods, she had known him since he was a child, he was as predictable to her as ever. He should've known better than to let his exhaustion break him like this. Leia was like a second mother to him, she had watched him grow from the New Republic to the Resistance, and now to whatever was left. He wondered how he was going to get himself out of the mess he had put himself in.

Leia sighed and for a second, Poe was worried that she was going to tell him that it wasn't the time to mourn, that he would have to push his feelings back until they had time to deal with personal losses. She had told him that every single time she found him moping after a particularly hard loss. He wondered if that was her secret, if that was how she was managing to pull through after the two hardest losses anyone could face.

"Is it Finn?" She asked, setting the datapad to the side and watching her favorite pilot turn bright red like one of the suns of Tatooine.

"N-no," Poe admitted, his heart hammering away in his chest again. He wondered if it had been a mistake to leave Finn like that, if he should've remained despite the terror the nightmare had sparked in him. Laying beside Finn would've been warmer and he was sure that the General didn't need him to disturb her like this.

The General smiled softly at that and if Poe hadn't known her long enough to catch it, he wouldn't have caught that she was in a teasing mood. "You've figured that out on your own, then?"

The thought of leaving the situation quickly disappeared replaced by nothing but the pure heat of embarrassment that climbed across his face like the fire of the forest moon of Endor. Poe knew that she found this hilarious, that it was always funny to see the greatest pilot of the Resistance flustered and speechless because of some feelings. He tried to hide his blush by pressing a hand to his face, but he wasn't foolish enough to think he could hide it from her. "Yeah," He whispered, his voice failing him and only making him all the more embarrassed.

"Poe," Her voice was soft, "I don't think I need to tell you, but I'm going to tell you anyway." She stood, fixing her long, heavy skirts as she walked over towards the man that she had taken under her wing. "You need to keep yourself alive for him." She told him, her voice still soft as she sat down beside Poe. "You don't find someone willing to disassemble a galactic superpower with you very easily."

He felt the burning of his face start to cool just slightly and he removed his hand from his face, but he still needed to calm down, to find that cool Poe Dameron façade that he had created and built up over the years. Poe bit the inside of his cheek to remind himself that he wasn't having some sort of fever dream. He knew that Leia was trying to help, and he appreciated it, he just wasn't sure it was the right time.

She watched him closely, waiting for him to calm down just enough to get a response from him. It was obvious to him that she was talking about Han. He had heard the stories from his parents and from Leia herself. Han Solo had fallen in love with her and for a reason that only two people heavily in love understood, he had fought in a war along her side.

Poe wondered if he could ever have the same thing with Finn. He bit his cheek again and sighed, "I, I know," he admitted, unsure if he liked where his thoughts were going. He loved Finn, but, he just wasn't sure if right now was such a great time for love. "I, it's just, I'm not doing a very good job of keeping people alive." He heard himself give a humorless, broken laugh and he felt his lip quiver just a little. "I got our bombers killed, all of my squadron... the only ones that made it out of the hangar were me and Nien Nunb."

General Organa looked at him and there were a few seconds were Poe was sure she was going to slap him again, but instead, she rose to her feet and grabbed one of the datapads off of the cot she had been sitting on. She returned to him, offering him the screen before she sat down beside him, watching his reaction to what the screen showed with great interest.

The screen was a little hard for Poe to read, his exhaustion, or perhaps it was the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes, made the words blur into a mess of red letters and blocks until he realized just what he was looking at. He rubbed at his eyes and held the datapad at a distance until the words started to become clear again.

"You mean," Poe breathed, rubbing at his eyes again, knowing that there had to be a mistake somewhere. Something had to be wrong with the screen, he was absolutely sure of that. He felt his lungs release a shaky sigh, then his voice break and he wanted to stop himself before he said more. "I, I didn't lose them?"

Poe could read it clearly now, a mission report from Yavin VI, his home planet, updated only a few hours ago, signed off by Jessika Pava and Temmin Wexley. His heart pounded in his chest and he could see himself shaking, but he didn't feel it. The tears that had welled in the corners of his eyes were falling down and he did everything in his power to wipe them away before the General could comment on it. He didn't want to cry in front of her, not like this, not now, not when she had lost everything.

"I knew that D'Qar wouldn't hold for long, so as soon as I could, I sent the best pilots I could to check on the bases the Rebellion used." General Organa explained, "As soon as the Resistance is stable, you'll be sent to Hoth with Wexley and Pava."

He nodded, unsure of what to do with the information she had just supplied him with as he continued to rub at his face. Poe wasn't sure if he could ever find a way to describe what a relief it was to know that he hadn't killed everyone except himself and Nien Nunb. They weren't the only two Resistance pilots and they wouldn't be the last. Leia's Resistance would last another day, another week, it would last as long as they did. The hope that came with just simply knowing seemed to banish every ounce of exhaustion from Poe's mind.

A thought slowly dawned on him and Poe felt the tears lessen up as he fell back into his old self.

"Did Kare survive?" His voice asked as he prayed with all of his might that the Force might have completely spared his squadron. Perhaps Kare was just on a solo mission, or perhaps doing some recon on Dantooine.

General Organa's face grew dark and Poe shivered. "I was sending her to aid Pava and Wexley, her ship never left the hangar."

The dread returned like a shadow, swallowing him slowly and leaving him cold. He felt as though he might drop the datapad, so he set it down on the table in front of him and tried to focus on breathing again.

He could hear her voice in his head as she held him by his arms, _"_ _Inhale four, c'mon, Dameron, one, two, three, four, now hold, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven..."_

Poe forced himself to stand and couldn't help but walk away from General Organa, just to the corner of the room. He couldn't face her, not as he felt his arms hug himself tight, anyone else would've just assumed that he was crossing his arms over his chest. He turned back around and faced General Organa, dignity be damned. "How am I going to tell Snap?" His voice was broken again, more broken than he had realized and he hoped that he wouldn't wake anyone up. It was hard enough having Leia see him like this.

Leia's expression softened, and Poe had to tell himself that she wasn't going to cry, that he couldn't let himself cry anymore either. They were adults, they were the leaders of the Resistance, they had to fight this together. She closed her eyes for a second, then opened them and stared at him, hoping that she could somehow make everything better. "I'll tell him." She offered.

He shook his head and after a few moments, he unwrapped his arms from around himself just to run his hands through his hair. He paced back and forth, letting his arms return over his chest as he let the memories of Snap and Kare flood his senses. He remembered how she had started wearing perfume on patrol to try and woo Snap, he had teased her privately about it, making her blush all shades of red and pink. He could remember their wedding, the worst kept secret so far, he had given a speech at the reception for Force's sake. There had been a bet, too, with Jess on how soon it would take them to have a kid. Poe had said it would take a year and a half, Jess had said less. He had prepared a speech at some point while they waited, he was prepared to fight Snap for the right to be the godfather to their child. He had always wanted to be a godparent.

"I need to tell him." Poe said after a few moments of silence. He stopped his pacing, but the shaking didn't stop. He thought back to Kare's laugh, how she used to mess up his hair and how she had told him more than once to give Snap a break. He had always said that Snap didn't deserve a break. He had been wrong. "I have to. I'm his commander, I was Kare's commander, too." He wondered if he was doing what she wanted, if she would have rather had Poe tell Snap than Leia. He let his hands cover his face for just a few moments before letting them drop to his sides.

Poe couldn't think of any possible way to break the news to Snap, he couldn't think about it, he just couldn't. He didn't want to be the one to tell Snap that his wife had died in the hangar of the Resistance frigate, that she hadn't gone out in a flurry of bullets shooting down TIEs, that it had been only a few blaster charges fired into the hangar that had taken her out and everything else with it. The thought of having to sit down at some point with a datapad and change the status of her mission logs from alive to deceased made his stomach twist. He didn't even have a body to bury, only memories to honor.

"Poe,"

He looked to Leia, but it hadn't been her voice, it had been one that Poe had associated with safety, with peace in the middle of a storm. He met Leia's eyes for only a second before he met the kind, dark eyes of Finn. Poe felt himself shake again, and the tears that he had fought so hard against slipped down his face.

Finn rushed to him, taking Poe's arms and bringing them down to his side, "Poe, Poe, calm down." Finn's eyes searched Poe's face for some sort of answer, anything that could squash the worry that covered Finn's face. Poe couldn't think of a single moment where he had seen Finn so upset.

Poe found enough strength to exhale, "Kare's gone, Finn." He inhaled and held his breath, thinking back to Kare's breathing techniques, but the memory of her voice didn't return and for a second Poe was afraid he had lost it. He looked at Finn with his blurry, messy vision clouded with tears.

The renegade stormtrooper pulled Poe in tight and held him close. They stayed like that for what felt like ages, Finn's arms so tight around Poe that he couldn't hold him back. The two of them stood there, in front of the General and cried together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect to update this so quickly! Thank you for your amazing comments and all of the kudos! Let me know if you guys like this chapter and still want more, I left some things that I could explain just in case, and I promise, it'll be lighter. It's always darker before the dawn. If you want you can bother me on tumblr, I'm stariose.tumblr.com and I'm always up for conversation!

**Author's Note:**

> So, originally I was thinking that this was just going to be a oneshot, and it might be, but if you guys like it, I might add more to it. Let me know what you think! Comments help me write faster.


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